I am not the best fiancé.
I forget things, don’t know things and more times than not, I end up grumpy over stupid things. I will grumble and complain and blow things way out of proportion and then cry when he gets upset.
I don’t know his favourite movie (in my defence, it seems to change every time I ask) or his favourite Xbox game or who his celebrity crush is. Sometimes I forget his favourite colour and things he hates to eat. I knew them once … when we first started dating and over time I have forgotten them, much to my horror and guilt.
But when I think about it, the things I know now came about because I forgot the others. The things I know show the time and energy we have put into making us work. It shows that I know him better than he may know himself and in return, I have someone who knows me … and still loves me anyway. The things I know may not mean much to the outside world, but to me, it means that I have found the other half of myself.
I know that he sleeps on the right or facing the door. Which works for me, because I can’t sleep on that side. I know how he takes his coffee and when to offer tea. I know that he can’t lie to save himself, not that he lies often. His jaw clenches and he tries to stop his left eye from twitching. I know that it’s not those things that give him away. It’s the small smirk and minuscule head shake that tells me I have busted him. I also know that he is stubborn and head strong and we clash often but I know that no matter what, he won’t let me go until we are okay again.
I know we don’t ever go to bed mad because it hurts too much. I know that when I am sick he gets mad at the fact that he can’t fix me up instantly. I know the look on his face as the stress leaves it the second he walks through the door and has his arms full of our children. I know that I am so incredibly lucky to have him as a father of our children and as my partner for life.
I know that no matter how old he gets, he will always be the hardest worker I know.
I know he thinks I am beautiful even on my worst days. I know he doesn’t care that I spend the day in my PJs sometimes or that the house doesn’t look perfect. I know he understands that sometimes, the day gets away from me, especially when I am on a safari or moon bouncing with the kids. I know that he understands me even when I think he doesn’t and I know I drive him crazy.
I know that he doesn’t find me as funny as what I think I am and I know that he will always be my biggest critic but only to help me better myself. I know he will always be my biggest supporter no matter what walk of life I choose.
I know the feel of his hands and the warmth of his cuddles. I know the sound of him falling asleep and the twitches he makes. I know that if I move even a little bit and he isn’t completely out cold, he will wrap an arm around me and pull me close, as if to calm me down. My favourite part is that I know the sound of his heart beat as it beats in time with mine.
I know that he appreciates the small things even when I think he doesn’t notice. I know that he would never let anyone say anything bad about me. I know that right as I write this, he is sitting on the couch, dead tired and aching from working long hours but won’t complain. I know he wants to have a nap but won’t, instead he’ll push me to have one. Even though I am not the one who got up at 5am.
I know he is one of the strongest men I know and yet, he’ll still strive to be better. I know that he doesn’t understand to me, he is perfect and there is no better than how he is right now. I know that I want to fall asleep with him and wake up to him every day for the rest of my life and continue to not keep my promise of making Sunday pancakes.
I know that I don’t show my appreciation enough and for that babes, I am sorry. But you should know by now you mean the world to me and I have never been so proud than be your wife to be.
Lastly, and most importantly, I know that no matter what happens, I will continue to love him more and more each day.
Here’s to you Wil, may we continue to drive each other nuts forever more.