The public health care system is a joke.
I’ve said it before and I know I will end up saying it again. Many times, most likely. It is a joke. A big fat money hungry ‘if we can’t see it, it’s in your head’ joke and I am done with it. Head’s up reader, Mama bear is pissed off.
I hate going to hospital. The only reason I go is because Wil makes me and the pain or sickness is literally so bad I can’t move or see through it. I don’t know why I bother though. Because it’s a reoccurring illness, they don’t take it or me seriously. They also have the balls to ask me how to treat myself. What the actual hell? I am not the one with the fancy degree that makes me think I am above everyone else. You did the study, you wanted to help so help me!
They poke and prod my side and when I yell in pain, it’s “oh that seems to be tender doesn’t it?” No shit you idiot that’s the whole freaking reason I am here! I certainly don’t come for the food, do I? And it’s the same questions by every person that you encounter. I get that it’s to flush out the junkies and see if you are lying and all that jazz but when someone is in pain and it takes them a little longer to get their words out, don’t look at them like they are something you picked out from between your toes.
I can barely walk … lying down hurts hell, breathing hurts at this stage and yet I am still not fixed. You base your theories of what it is on scans you did almost a year ago. You have the balls to look at me like I am crazy when I end up in tears … and I mean ugly snot filled red faced crying … and tell you I am not leaving until I feel safe enough to go home and not end up in the foetal position in my kitchen. Yet, here I am. At home. Still the same amount of pain I was when I came to you and asked for help. Because you couldn’t be bothered doing your goddamn job.
You kicked me out, while still in pain claiming there is nothing else you can do when you haven’t even bothered to try or listen. We need the beds, you claim. It was so quiet you could hear a sparrow fart and the nurses had time to catch up on paper work and coffee. To the nurses at the hospital, I am not aiming this at you. You were the only ones nice enough to listen and comfort me. The doctors didn’t even have the guts to visit me themselves when I was discharged but told the nurses to tell me what the plan was. Was it so I couldn’t call you on your shit again? Or demand that I stay until you fix this again? What, couldn’t the big brave clever doctor face poor sickly little old me? You’re a coward and a terrible doctor.
Let me tell you something. You go to medical school for however long and you’re smart and can pick out a gallstone from kidney stone and well done you. But do they teach you bed side manner? Do they teach you feelings are just as important as diagnoses? Do they teach you that no matter how important you are or how high up on the hospital chain you are, the people you are treating are just that. People. Real life human people who need just a little bit of empathy and a whole lot of comfort and understanding when you are dishing out what is wrong with them.
I have never felt more low in my life. You reduced me to tears of both anger and shame. You made me feel like I was a liar and an idiot and that you, the big fancy doctor on your high horse brought with your thousands of dollars pay check, seemed to know my body better than me. I get looked at like I’m a junky. I get looked at like I’m a liar. I got accused of sticking my fingers down my throat when I threw up and panicked cause there was blood. I had eyes rolled, breathed scoffed and deep heavy ‘I can’t be bothered’ sighs thrown at me the entire time I was there. I got told that because of all the pain meds I have been given, I am backed up and that’s probably the cause of my pain… which made no sense considering I came to you with the pain and you were the ones feeding me pain pills like they were tic tacs. Ah huh, that degree is totally paying off!
Do you really think I enjoy being here? I have a gorgeous man at home and two beautiful children. Do you honestly think I’d rather be in the sterile white depressing place more than my warm home? That I would rather be woken every 30 minutes to have blood pressure and heart rate taken and pills shoved down my throat instead of sleeping a whole night through? That I would rather be in a place that scorns you for being sick than at home surrounded by loved ones?
You can take your health care system and shove it because I would rather endure the pain at home than come anywhere near you, your lack of empathy and your condescending bullshit.