I had a job interview yesterday.

It was probably the most adult thing I have done in a while other than parent my babies. I haven’t had an interview in years and I knew I was social awkward before but today … phew … boy did that just cement the idea. I wrote out a list of questions and thoughts and ideas in the last week and thought I had it in the bag. I forgot about the nervousness and how gut churning putting yourself out there was.

I guess it is a little like dating not that I have had to worry about that in years (thank God). You build up the perfect idea in your head. You envision every perfect scenario. You are charming and confident and damn do you just blow their socks away. You make the perfect ice breaker and they laugh and you are in for the win. Then the day comes and you are nothing but a shaking, sweating bumbling mess who is praying to whoever is listening that you don’t smell, have bad breath or that they can’t see your shaking hands.

Nothing that you imagine days before happens. You are not as confident as you wanted to be and every question and smooth answer you had has long gone. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think I was that bad and I was honest, upfront and myself the whole time but there were times where I wished I was a hell of a lot cooler.

I was a wreck. Plain and simple.

It got my thinking though. Why the hell don’t they teach us how to do interviews in high school? Or go on a date? Or anything remotely adult that we desperately need! I don’t know about you guys but I could have done with Adulthood 101 more than Agriculture or learning about all the different ways to find the right side of a bloody triangle.

How to do your taxes and open a bank account. How to get a car or even just your license. How to dress up for an interview and how much is too much. Sure, they taught us how to write resumes but did they teach us how to actually use them?

English was useful to learn how to write and even though we wrote and practise speeches, there was no tips on how to not be a sweaty mess. All my English teachers just told us to suck it up and it was okay to be nervous. I doubt they realised just how nervous most of us were. I always envied those who could just get up and do it and looked so cool, calm and collected. There was always at least one that put the sweaty masses to shame. Damn those cool cats.

What was their secret and why the hell didn’t they share it with the rest of the class?

Even with the mass boost of technology and people having the ability to Skype their speeches (assholes) there are still plenty of people left in the world who freak out over doing anything remotely adulty. Making a phone call sucks. Remembering to pay bills sucks. Having bills suck even worse and yet we all want the freedom.

Goddamn it educational system, do something about it. I bet you $10 there is at least a handful of you guys who suck at speaking and doing adult things like the rest of us. Enough of bloody Pythagoras freaking Theorem and more useful things like how to not be a sweaty nervous shaking mess when it comes to do adult things!

On the plus side, I am pretty sure I kicked ass in the interview. Here’s hoping.




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